I'm Tired of Easy; Real Connection is Worth the Risk
A Guest Post by Gia Nicole
Today’s newsletter, a guest post by Gia Nicole, is a continuation to my previous newsletter, The Seduction of Powerful Men (a response to Jeremie Lotemo’s article, Men Have Lost the Slow Art of Subtle Seduction).
Gia Nicole is a talented, multidisciplinary Atlanta based screenwriter. She’s also a dear friend. Here, in At the Table’s first guest post, she shares her experiences navigating sensuality, thoughts on seduction as a Christian woman, and her response to whether men have lost the art of seducing.
I'm Tired of Easy; Real Connection is Worth the Risk
By Gia Nicole
We live in a time where everything is simply explicit.
There is nothing suggestive about intimacy anymore, certainly not how it is being framed in our media. Yet, I miss the slow burns that taught me the ‘art’ of seduction on screen. I miss waiting seasons before characters made it official, expectantly watching their cat-and-mouse game. The slow burn is nearly extinct on screen and in real life.
If a man isn't outright telling you he wants to have sex with you, he isn't saying anything at all. I don't remember the last time I felt a man's gaze in that cinematic, across-the-room kind of way. In fact, I don't remember the last time a man has had enough confidence to ask me for what he actually wanted.
These days, men hide behind the façade of not wanting to be ‘Me Too-ed’ or wanting to be delicate in navigating consent, but I call BS. Most men aren’t afraid of offending, they are afraid of rejection, humiliation, and putting themselves out there. God forbid I say no, you can't have my number. I feel my age every time a man asks me for my Instagram instead of my number. At first, I found it fascinating. Then, I just landed on feeling like it was outright cowardly.
Sure, there's a world where you want my socials to keep up with me and possibly get to know me through a curated algorithm, but I live in the world where you probably thought you had an easier shot at getting my IG handle than my number.
I'm tired of easy.
I want to experience men who ask for what they want boldly and make their intentions clear. Yet, I fear those men may all be married off by now.
Even eye contact scares men now. I remember meeting a man at a Super Bowl party, and admittedly, he wasn't my traditional type, but I was intrigued. For the first time in a long time, I got to seductively spar with a man. By the end of the night, we sat in the car and he told me he felt like I was staring into his soul.
Well, if that were true then I’m sad to report his soul is as empty as his eyes let on. He diverted eye contact and questioned why I would want to date him after hearing horror stories about him from mutuals inside the party. Little did he know I never planned to date him. It had just felt good to be seduced by those across-the-room stares that enticed me to walk over to know more. It’d felt good to fall into hugs he repeatedly pulled me into mid-conversation. Even his jealousy felt good when he told me he knew the guy I’d been talking to earlier liked me, but he also knew I liked him more.
There was something alluring about a man telling me [what I liked] instead of asking, and having the boldness not to care that his competition was within earshot. He just had to go and ruin it by asking me for my Instagram to seal the deal. I remember cocking my head to the side and sizing him up before saying, "My instagram, that's what you want?" He struck me as the type of man who didn’t need my permission to ask for what he really wanted, but here we were.
With his eyes piercing into me, he didn't ask if I wanted to be touched or pulled into him. He didn't ask if he could interrupt my conversation with another man. Yet, asking for my number is where you draw the line? Sir, be so for real.
Men confuse me. Often. Candidly, I can share that I often internalize men's misfires. My inner dialogue goes crazy, and I find myself wondering if they aren't trying harder or closing the deal because I'm not [fill in the blank] enough.
For the majority of my life, I’ve believed the burden of seduction fell solely on the woman, and transparently, I lacked in this art form. I cringed anytime a man called me sexy, I looked down more than I dared to let my eyes dance around the room, and I’d find ways to hide in any room. Then, I’d have the nerve to question why men weren't checking for me. Christianity certainly makes this web more tangled when you rope in modesty and Jezebel spirits, and the expectations to be a wife at all times.
But, I don't think it's fair for me to go from girl to wife and neglect the woman.
While I am abstinent, seduction doesn’t feel like a dirty word or a wicked sentiment. Many write it off because they're simply bad at it, so it's easier to demonize the entire concept. For a long time, I feared men who had mastered the art of seduction because I didn’t feel strong enough to resist and didn't have the discipline to maintain my own standards. Seduction is not always a ploy to get a woman to perform a sexual act, however, knowing myself, I'd be the one wanting more. Seductive men can be quite dangerous!
I may not be ready to be seduced to the bedroom (as that is something that I am reserving for my husband), however I would very much like to feel desired. I’d like to explore genuine interest by a confident man who understands that control does not mean a lack of consent. Confidence doesn’t mean arrogance, and it is quite attractive when a man uses all his devices to go after what he wants. And let's say he gets what he wants, the lengths that he goes to explore and ignite that connection through seduction….well let's just say I want to try it.
I look forward to the day that a man unlocks the psychological aspects of seduction that have long been left dormant.
So yes, I think men have traded in the art of seduction for popping balloons and ordering podcast equipment. Gone are the days that men practice their approach, give game to their homeboys, shoot for the prettiest girl in the friend group, and actually land the relationship.
Q&A
When did you start to realize that seduction wasn’t just women’s work, but also men’s? What did that revelation unlock for you?
It's a new discovery actually, that was partially unveiled by reading this article. For me, it was mostly conditioning from the media and the lack of exposure to dating seductive men.
You said you've rarely felt a man’s gaze in that cinematic, across-the-room kind of way. Why do you think that is? Have men lost the ability—or the will—to signal interest in a way that’s both clear and captivating?
In this curated perfectionist society, I think most men are afraid of getting it wrong. Sure, they have the ability to approach a woman, but are paralyzed by the thought of being embarrassed, ousted online, rejected, or any other negative outcome they can think of. The fact that it is a trend to take a photo of someone and post help me find this person is insane. You saw a person that was close enough for you to take a photo of them, and instead of speaking to them, you pulled out your phone, took a photo to post without their permission, and asked strangers on the internet to be your assist. It's an evil world we live in, or should I say a passive world.
Do you think the rise of passive digital communication (emojis, story views, likes) has created a false sense of connection? Or even a false sense of pursuit?
A thousand times yes. Most of my friends are asking each other what a man on our socials actions mean. Like does this mean he likes me or is he just a fan of my work? Why is he constantly watching but never saying anything? For someone out there, these passive digital communications mean something very specific, but for me, I don't know you like me until you come tell me! That's not a pursuit, big dog. For many men, they may see this as a slow burn waiting for the perfect time to do something more overt, but to me, it’s just annoying. And for the love of God, do not add me to your close friends, there's nothing seductive about this.
As a Christian woman, how do you reconcile your desire to be pursued with the church’s often limited dialogue around romance and seduction?
It's hard and often makes me feel duplicitous. I am a very sensual woman who wants to lean more into the art of seduction myself, and just reading this article made me think "this, this is what I have been wanting". As a Christian, there tends to be a wait to explore anything sensual, sexual, or seductive until you get married. While sex obviously makes perfect sense, I wonder about the rest. Lust is a sin as well, and lust and seduction are opposite sides of a coin, so it makes me feel like I am tiptoeing to the edge toward forbidden fruit. However, with the right boundaries and strong discipline I think it's possible to explore seduction without falling into sin. Now, if the goal of your seduction is to lead to sex, then obviously if you're a single Christian, that will be a hard no. However, gazes across the room, making your partner feel desired, confidently taking the lead, using descriptive language to get your point across (which doesn’t have to be sexual); yeah, sign me up.
If you could give advice to a generation of men on how to re-learn the “art” of pursuit, what would you say?
Seduction isn’t performance, it’s presence. Pursuit doesn’t mean overwhelm, it means intentionality. If I could speak to a generation of men, I’d say this: Stop trying to impress and start trying to see. Truly see the woman in front of you. Learn her rhythm before you offer yours. Relearn the art of conversation, curiosity, and consistency. There’s a difference between chasing and choosing and women can feel it. You can leave your favorite dating guru’s Top 5 tips online. I’m not here for the script, I want you. The unfiltered, unscripted, fully present you. Let me see that.
Don’t lead with a résumé; lead with reverence. Pursuit is not just about making a move, it’s about creating safe spaces where a woman can unfold. Don’t be loud with your desires and silent with your actions. Be bold enough to initiate, mature enough to maintain, and humble enough to listen. Ask for what you really want, she just might say yes! The art of pursuit and seduction is not completely lost—it’s just been buried under ego, games, and fear of rejection. But real connection? That’s always been worth the risk. •
Thank you to Gia for lending her voice and her beautiful words. Comment your favorite quote, or leave your own lovely thoughts below. You can keep up with Gia on Instagram.
x, Z
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At the Table is a newsletter by Zauni Tanil, sharing my notes analyzing fashion, food, and culture from around various restaurant tables. You can read more personal stories like this one under the writing category, where you’ll find a collection of poetry, prose and romantic journal entries.
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